3:32 pm

I don't mean to forget things easily. Actually, sometimes I can mentally drive myself to limits of so much ignorance and forgetfulness, I'd call myself cold and heartless. Sometimes I do it subconciously, and sometimes I will force myself to let go, and I do rather quickly. But whether or not any guilt lingers anymore really depends.

Actually, I see this as a gift. I'm glad that I am able to let go of the past a lot easier than everyone else does. I can resume my life in a new way that I'd like to. I told this to a friend once, that because of this trait of mine, I'll never know if I truly fell for a guy or not. It's either they were a mere crush so getting over them was simple, or that I actually did fall for them, but I just naturally get over people quicker.

I guess the reason why I talk about this side of myself a lot is because I don't know if I should change it. Because of this, I could care less about my past. Yet because of this, it's hard to be sentimental or sympathetic towards people sometimes when they need help, or if something serious has happened. Also, sometimes I think that because of this, it's hard for me to hold on to God sometimes. But still, there's something about God that is different than anything. And I can't exactly explain how at the moment.

In Ohio, we had these neighbours (an old couple) that would always invite us over. When we moved here to California, the neighbours would always send us a card and some money whenever it was one of our birthdays. They treated my sister and I as their own grandchildren. I would use to pray that because of their old age, nothing serious would ever happen to them, or not at least tell after my sister and I got married.

In February, the "grandfather" neighbour passed away. When I heard this, I kind of just brushed it off with a "no way" kind of attitued. I've never even shed a tear over him up to this point. The "grandmother" recently sent me a "Congratulations" card to me for graduating high school, and it's just weird seeing one name signed. Because I usually see two.

Or maybe I'm just one of those people who unknowingly bottle everything up and then one small trigger makes me explode.

This Monday I also bombed my Pygmalion test. I wasn't the only one who did horribly, but my grade is like a 89.89% and I can't afford to have a mere "B" show up on my report card because of this class! I also just gave this class' teacher a teacher's rec, and she might begin to think that I am starting to slack off! But I am not! I will impress the class with my last assessment and prove that I am not a slacker!

But something struck me on the test on Monday. One of the questions went around the lines of "Did George Bernard Shaw consider marriage as legal prostitution?" Now I know that's not the best way to describe such a bond, but if anyone thinks about it, depending on what they're talking about, marriage kind of is... legal prostitution. Sigh.. so many things driving me away from the idea of marriage nowdays haha.

What a gross topic to end on.

Um. My friends and I made Open Mic Night! So buy tickets and come see us perform!