A change in message... maybe?

I had actually planned to give you a letter sometime before school started... it was pretty much verbatim of one my prior blog posts; it talked about me realizing that I hadn't loved you well, that I recognize what I did, that I hope you recognize what you did, and that I hope you continue to seek better.

But I told myself to wait things out - maybe something will happen or maybe I won't even want to give you the letter because it has begun to sound like a stupid idea.

I made my letter as least accusatory-sounding as possible, and I feel like I did a pretty good job of that.  I made sure that I did not sound judgment or critical in any way.  

So then I began to ask myself...

Why am I even deciding to write and give this letter to you anyways?  

Because I feel sorry for the things that I did, and I wanted you to be aware of this realization of mine.

Okay, so what?  What is that going to do for myself and what is that going to do for you?

I just want to prove to him that people can choose to be mature and grow and process things... that it's totally okay and human to do so, and for myself, it'd be nice to get more things off of my chest.

No, really, what intentions do I have in wanting to write and give this letter to you?

I do partly want to talk to you again, and I do want you to change... not for me (I know it's too late at this point) - but it's just that I would love to direct you towards the truth that I found and always had while I still have some kind of stronghold of you...

This is pretty much real-time of the angel and devil arguing over my shoulders at the moment.  I guess my point of this post is that if I did not give you that original letter, I probably would have said something else to you about you needing to understand how selfish you were and still are and that people can change and people do change and people will change... yet I know that is definitely not the most loving way to approach a person about their faults.

But who or what is letting you know that you are loved right now?  Why am I still even concerned about this..