My wish for you

I don't know why I decided to block my blog for a bit.  I have nothing to hide.  I know I'm not the only one with struggles in my life, and if anything, I am confident that I can bring encouragement through whatever I go through in life.

Since it's essentially been clarified that my caring for you is simply still the feelings that linger, I can kind of discern from there where to continue on with the rest of my life - and not foolishly act on this feeling that I have for you anymore.  When it will end, I have no idea, but I trust God knows what He's doing and is taking care of it.

I still do believe that I am a compassionate person, though, and that even if the feelings did not linger, I would still always love and care for you.

But my goodness, how I wish you yearned to grow as a person because I feel like even after all that shit you went through in life, you are still the same childish you.  It's like you went through life for nothing, in vain, only to numb your heart so that you don't have to feel pain because you feel like no pain means no suffering and that to not suffer will allow you to be happy.

Well guess what, no one heals himself by wounding another.  If you would just use that still soft part of your heart and use it to love people - not be in love, but to love and to be patient, kind, gentle, considerate, compassionate - trust me, you'll learn a lot about yourself and other people.  You will also learn that the only way to overcome whatever brokenness is to out-love.  Let yourself receive true love and let that love overflow to others around you.

And please, I am still praying and begging to God every morning, day, and night, that you can find someone - anyone - a friend, a lover, a group of friends that you can genuinely do life with.  Not live  by merely living and doing the mundane things - but people to carry your burdens with you, to care for you, to listen to you, to laugh with you, to lift you up and encourage you, to inspire you to grow as a person, to keep you accountable when you falter but still be loving towards you,  and people you can feel comfortable around to share your stress, frustrations, fears, pain, hopes, dreams because no one should have to closet all things to themselves.

One thing I've learned a while ago that I seem to have forgot is that there's a reason why there's more than one human being on this Earth - we were made for each other in the sense that we were meant for community and for relationships.  Don't try to go through life by yourself, please, you exist to be there for people and people exist to be there for you.  Of course, you get to choose who those people are, so choose wisely.

And I'm just confused if it's healthy for me to keep acting on my feelings by praying for you.  I try my best not to think about you but when I do, I bring it up to God, because sometimes I honestly can't help my thoughts.