So, it kind of started freshman-sophomore summer. I don't really understand why I remember it so clearly... after I changed my "lion" hairstyle from all of middle school and freshman year. I was hanging out with a group of friends at a nearby park, and an old classmate tagged along, who I did talk to for a while before high school started, but he left California and became like essentially a total bad-ass. But he looked in my direction and said "Tiffany? 你怎麼變那麼漂亮?" You can translate that if you want, but you'll see what I mean as you keep reading. Anyways, being the pretentiously oblivious person I was (and at times, still am), I pretended not to hear what he said.
I'm not like bragging or praising myself or anything. In fact, all these years, I'm still trying to get used to it. Or sometimes I think, I don't really want to get used to it. As a result, I always act oblivious when guys are obviously attracted to me, and I become very unresponsive and do my best to bore them. Which actually works, haha. I honestly don't think I'm pretty or anything. Really. I'm okay. I'm tolerable (in a good way, not the way that Darcy thinks). I feel like people can see my face and just be like "oh okay" - not of any type of beauty, not of any type of.. horrible visage. So that's why I am entirely confused when people find me pretty or attractive in any way, because I don't see it myself. I don't see myself as ugly, either, but I know I'm not super pretty or anything so there's no need to be so polite.
I think I really just miss the innocence of simple relationships with any gender. In elementary school, my circle(s) of friends were nicely split between guys and girls. I think I refuse to forget that girls and guys aren't exactly made to always be "just friends" - there's a reason for that variance in our chromosomes... And I'm reminded of this sometimes back in high school when a few guy friends became rather excessively fond of me. And now I don't talk to any of them anymore.
I think I'm also just partly angry because some people simply want to talk to me for my looks. And then they find out that I'm not flirty or that I don't party or that I'm a goody-good girl and then they just leave. I don't care of them leaving, but it's just stupid how they think I could be someone that they want me to be. Actually, I kind of think that a lot, too. But, obviously being biased in some way, I think I just do this in a more sensible manner, aha..
I'm not like bragging or praising myself or anything. In fact, all these years, I'm still trying to get used to it. Or sometimes I think, I don't really want to get used to it. As a result, I always act oblivious when guys are obviously attracted to me, and I become very unresponsive and do my best to bore them. Which actually works, haha. I honestly don't think I'm pretty or anything. Really. I'm okay. I'm tolerable (in a good way, not the way that Darcy thinks). I feel like people can see my face and just be like "oh okay" - not of any type of beauty, not of any type of.. horrible visage. So that's why I am entirely confused when people find me pretty or attractive in any way, because I don't see it myself. I don't see myself as ugly, either, but I know I'm not super pretty or anything so there's no need to be so polite.
I think I really just miss the innocence of simple relationships with any gender. In elementary school, my circle(s) of friends were nicely split between guys and girls. I think I refuse to forget that girls and guys aren't exactly made to always be "just friends" - there's a reason for that variance in our chromosomes... And I'm reminded of this sometimes back in high school when a few guy friends became rather excessively fond of me. And now I don't talk to any of them anymore.
I think I'm also just partly angry because some people simply want to talk to me for my looks. And then they find out that I'm not flirty or that I don't party or that I'm a goody-good girl and then they just leave. I don't care of them leaving, but it's just stupid how they think I could be someone that they want me to be. Actually, I kind of think that a lot, too. But, obviously being biased in some way, I think I just do this in a more sensible manner, aha..
2 comments:
Don't be afraid to walk out and tell everyone you're pretty or beautiful or whichever way you want to say it.
Everyone is beautifully in their own way in a sense that beauty is defined by yourself.
We've been brainwashed by others especially the media to define beauty as how they want us to.
There's a Chinese phrase "每个女生都是漂亮的，每个女生都有自己的美"
Guess I don't have to do any translation for you.
Have some confidence in yourself. Even inner beauty(内在美) is considered as a beauty.
Sorry, spelling error.
*beautiful not beautifully
Post a Comment