the small things I do display a subtle violence within myself. Evidently, it's controlled and contained. However, all I know is that if I am provoked enough, I will use physical means to carry out regretful things. Fortunately, though, nothing outrageous has happened in a really long time. All I will say that as much as I dread and am terrified of killing dozens of spiders everyday, I honestly do find a thrill in it. Kind of like how I like that adrenaline rush when I forcibly step on the gas pedal while driving. It feels extremely unsafe, but irresistible. So that's why lately I've been wanting to go on any roller coaster - to ..concoct that rush elsewhere - where I possibly won't kill myself or make myself mental.
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