le vingt mars

From ever since I could remember up until... sophomore year of high school, I've always dreamed of becoming an architect. The one thing that stopped me was the fact that I hard to learn physics. I thought that you had to have a thorough and deep understanding of physics, but now I know that certainly is not the case. Physics does involve an extent of math and artistic ability - none of which I have.

Then for UCs, I applied to International Relations/International Business... which are actually two completely different majors. And then for my second major choices I basically chose entirely irrelevant majors that I don't really want to talk about it.

I also tell a lot of people that if this economy were not so horrible... and if I had more money, perhaps I would go to an art school and perhaps do something photography-related.

Since I was very indecisive even after high school, my mother suggested I just go into the business field. I could easily learn accounting and start earning a decent income to support myself. So that's what I'm doing.

But at the moment, I'm hearing and seeing other friends and classmates do what they enjoy learning and actually have a passion for it - while I'm just being passive and "can handle" the things that I'm doing.

Today's library presentation was nicely informative, but honestly very boring - so I started thinking a lot about careers and such. I honestly don't know what I like doing. I really do like photography - but I don't take it seriously enough to want to find a career regarding photography. Same with music - I actually have fairly good media connections in Asia and could easily meet up with music executives or TV show directors in Taiwan, but none of that really appeals to me. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely have a strong passion for music and photography, but not strong enough to want to result into a career of mine.

I know I have a really strong interest in learning languages and I pay way too much attention to how people talk. It's become a vice of mine, actually. If someone comes up to talk to me and has horrible English, I'll just keep focusing in my mind of how horrible their accent is and how they can't mouth the words correctly and that just completely stops me from actually understanding what this person's saying. So yeah that's not really good if I want to meet and interact with people from different places and different cultures. I bet this is how those snobby Parisians think of their language, haha. Except I'm not Parisian.. perhaps it would be more justified like that.

Sigh I don't know. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I like to do. Everything is just kind of "alright" and "tolerable" to me.