For most girls,

hair is kind of a big deal. Or it's actually a really big deal. I remember for most of my life I hated how thick my hair was and how I had so much of it. I'd be extremely jealous of the friends who had thinner, smoother hair because it seemed so much easier to manage. I remember in 7th grade I was described as having "lion hair" because I basically had the same haircut I do now - except I just had way too much thick hair that it ended up looking terrible.

My mother's asked me why I decided to suddenly have a haircut when I was just telling her pretty much a few weeks ago that I would never cut my hair again unless it went to my hip line or something. I lied and said that I've been deciding for a while, when actually this decision was rather spontaneous. Well actually, the only non-spontaneous part of it was that I noticed in the beginning of the December of last year, my hair had begun to fall out at an alarming rate. If I didn't wash my hair for just a day, you could see huge spaces of my scalp between my hair. And currently, I have these red spots all over my scalp, which sometime itch. Sometimes I forget not to scratch them too hard while I wash my hair, and then the towel that I end up wrapping my head with is stained with all these red spots of blood. So yeah, that's.. the non-spontaneous part of it.

The spontaneous part of it was ... my "why not?" mentality again. I remember the last time I had hair this short (probably in middle school) how comfortable it was and how I never wanted to have long hair again. During my highschool-college summer my hair grew out to a decent length and I realized how much fun it was to style it and whatnot - I told myself how I would never have short hair again. Also, I admit dealing with such long hair was becoming rather troublesome. Knowing the illusions of light and dark, it would drive me crazy sometimes on deciding whether to keep my hair straight or not because straightness would make my face look more sculptured than it already is, while keeping my hair curly would make me look.. different. I must also mention that the process of keeping my hair curly for the next day was also rather troublesome to do at night.

But it was interesting getting so much hair cut off today. The barber suggested I donate the hair I was about to cut off since it was a rather large amount - exceeding a foot in length but not more than a foot and a half. While she was cutting, she told me to hold the hair that she had cut off. I think this was just a really strange experience - holding perhaps your 12-15 inches of dead hair, holding something that had been a part of you for so long. I had to hold it for at the most five minutes, and I couldn't stop staring at it. It was actually kind of scary, too. It was like holding a dead fish, with its head severed off but its gills still moving - like it's about to jump out at you even though you know its essentially lifeless. It was disgusting, yet sort of .. heartbreaking, in a sense.

I don't know. I feel like a different person because I look like a different person, but looks can only prove so much. I'm just weird in that this haircut has kind of affected me emotionally/mentally. Not in a bad way, though. But I guess now I do miss my thick, "abundant" hair that I'll probably never have again.