le dix-sept mars

I'm not usually one with lots of patience. I admit I get irritated, annoyed, and upset easily - but I don't get angry easily. And when I do become angry, I don't usually handle it very well. Mostly because I don't get angry enough to know how to deal with it. I also don't poke around things that may provoke me - because no one really likes the feeling of anger. However, I've been prone to lash out at people lately, to not talk how I usually talk, and just totally disregard my mother.

It's interesting this quarter how I discovered stress. Throughout high school, I definitely did have stressful phases but I would never notice it until the very end when I would just break down out of the blue and I would just ... basically "de-stress all at once". I wouldn't consider the given moment a way of de-stressing, mostly because I don't feel any less stressed. I don't know. I feel okay right now but watch my spirits diminish later. Honestly the three things keeping me sane right now are God, music, and friends.

Basically, I'm having very little patience with one of my parents lately. I pray to God to give me patience, and I constantly remind myself that while I mature, my mother is also aging - so I need to put that into consideration. But honestly, today I really don't know whether she was being entirely ridiculous or I just had no patience for her. Her hearing is definitely getting a lot worse than it was before. It's just incredibly stupid because she says she wants to be less stressed herself and feel relaxed, when she just continuously piles burdens upon herself when she doesn't even need to! She just says things just for the hell of saying it without even thinking how other people might think of it!

The current situation just reminds me of the upbringing of my sister and I. We grew up in a family environment where basically if you gave a crap, it would destroy you - and sometimes I just like to think the reason why my sister and I have become the way that we are is how we have learned to cope with carelessness.

I know I've said this for basically the 29834732984390574985th time, but I seriously cannot wait for this quarter to END.