You are loved, you are loved, you are loved

I know your problems aren't my responsibility anymore, plus I haven't 100% accepted the idea that I am truly loved, but I am trying my best while I continue and grow in my relationship with God.

It honestly breaks my heart that anyone thinks they're underserving of love - I think this is the reason that even if people try to hurt me, with or without knowing, I still try to find the good in them and try to forgive - we're all human.  We're all just human.  At the end of life, all we're trying to do is find love and find any way to feel it, or feel what we think it is.  I could go on and on about the erroneous ways that people try to find what they think is love but that's definitely a discussion for another time.

And of course if you feel like you're undeserving of real love, then you'll feel incapable of giving it - because how can you give what you have not allowed yourself to receive?

But trust me, I have seen you and known you intimately, and that light of love is still there.  Don't let it go.  I'm not talking about the fluttery feeling you once had for me - but genuine love you elicited.  I genuinely know that a part of you is yearning to love and knows how to love so genuinely.  Granted, there were probably less than about a dozen times when you showed such love.  However, that real love inside of you is not nonexistent.  To me, and also just from observing you, there were times when you were incredibly patient, times when you humbled yourself for the sake of other people, and times when you were incredibly sacrificial for the best interest of others.

I'm not saying that you don't need work in any of these areas, but I'm just trying to emphasize that though you may stumble and fall, you are more capable of love than you realize - and you are also unbelievably more loved than you think you may be.  Not necessarily by me ... and this would be a good transition for me to preach but I will not do so here, unless you'd want me to.

There is this quote I want to share with you by an author... "The fact that you’re struggling doesn’t make you a burden. It doesn’t make you unloveable or undesirable or undeserving of care. It doesn’t make you too much or too sensitive or too needy. It makes you human. Everyone struggles. Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart. During these times, we aren’t always easy to be around — and that’s okay. No one is easy to be around one hundred percent of the time. Yes, you may sometimes be unpleasant or difficult. And yes, you may sometimes do or say things that make the people around you feel helpless or sad. But those things aren’t all of who you are and they certainly don’t discount your worth as a human being. The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved. You can be difficult and still be cared for. You can be less than perfect, and still be deserving of compassion and kindness."

And you have no idea of the amount of potential that I or possibly anyone else sees in you.  If you are able to pull through with whatever you're going through, you can have the most profound impact on the lives of many others who are going through what you are or have gone through what you did.

Is loving hard work?  Yes.  Can you master it overnight?  No - in fact, though we may live to be skilled in it, no human being, though reaching whatever nirvana of love they think they've accomplished, will always have times when they could have been more loving.  But is it still worth it?  Yes it is, and as cheesy and cliché as it sounds, love is so worth fighting for.  Why is it worth it?  Everyone has their own answers - but I believe you have your own answer in your intention of wanting to help people and wanting to accomplish great things in life.  Please don't give up on it so easily.

I know I said I wouldn't reach out to you anymore to protect myself, but oh my goodness this is something you need to know!  I will definitely give myself some time, though.

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And I feel God has definitely revealed my intention of worrying about all of this.  Yes, the feelings are still there - in fact, if they weren't, I honestly could care less of you.  However, because the feelings are still there, I am able to care for you.  I do not have any intentions of being with a broken person - I see now being with you was dangerous idea.