I normally don't do that to people, except perhaps my parents. I don't know what that signifies, though. I think it was a combination of not feeling like explaining myself and being upset that I ended up not being able to see my friend. I do apologize, though, that was a terrible goodnight. But yesterday's incident has had me thinking a lot..
You know, honestly I'm terrified of spending my birthday with you. You somehow always manage to unknowingly upset me. We interpret things so differently, and that also goes with expressing our affection towards each other differently. Some of the things you do or say that you don't really think twice about may end up becoming offensive to me, and vice versa.
Plus, your smoking problem. I was already in a tight situation when you suddenly began to smoke again. I'd feel a bit foolish for leaving my boyfriend because he ''suddenly started smoking again''. Yes, the fact that you smoke doesn't change who you are. However, you don't exactly become as pleasant to be around anymore. Every time I see you holding a cigarette between your fingers or blowing out a puff of smoke, my heart dies a little. It's not a good feeling.
Being in my first relationship, I don't exactly know how to act - but I feel like I shouldn't be this confused as how to act in the first place. I'm beginning to think that we're just in two very different stages of life. I honestly miss it when we first started talking - when you had more time, I suppose. When you were only working part time - you were so excited to talk to me, a lot more responsive. You'd get off work early to hang out with me, and you'd try to talk to me as much as you could while at the gym. We're probably just on different levels? I don't know. There are countless times now when I'm driving over to your place yet at the same time thinking "What the hell am I doing??"
But times change and people change, and being in relationships like this is to figure out whether or not two people can go through such changes together.
Don't worry, I plan to tell you all this real, real soon.
You know, honestly I'm terrified of spending my birthday with you. You somehow always manage to unknowingly upset me. We interpret things so differently, and that also goes with expressing our affection towards each other differently. Some of the things you do or say that you don't really think twice about may end up becoming offensive to me, and vice versa.
Plus, your smoking problem. I was already in a tight situation when you suddenly began to smoke again. I'd feel a bit foolish for leaving my boyfriend because he ''suddenly started smoking again''. Yes, the fact that you smoke doesn't change who you are. However, you don't exactly become as pleasant to be around anymore. Every time I see you holding a cigarette between your fingers or blowing out a puff of smoke, my heart dies a little. It's not a good feeling.
Being in my first relationship, I don't exactly know how to act - but I feel like I shouldn't be this confused as how to act in the first place. I'm beginning to think that we're just in two very different stages of life. I honestly miss it when we first started talking - when you had more time, I suppose. When you were only working part time - you were so excited to talk to me, a lot more responsive. You'd get off work early to hang out with me, and you'd try to talk to me as much as you could while at the gym. We're probably just on different levels? I don't know. There are countless times now when I'm driving over to your place yet at the same time thinking "What the hell am I doing??"
But times change and people change, and being in relationships like this is to figure out whether or not two people can go through such changes together.
Don't worry, I plan to tell you all this real, real soon.
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