Haha but that desire isn't as desperate as it sounds. I just watched this 30 minute video from the BETHKES:
I guess all this video did for me is really, really confirm and put in place to not pursue guys who aren't Christian. I honestly don't know what's happen to me lately, but I feel like my identity in Christ is getting more set in place. I still have my imperfections and flaws, but I every time I feel down or empty or when I err, I seem to run to Christ more (and I'm feeling reeeeeal unsatisfied with the world and my life right now, but going to God really gives a genuine feeling of home and a place to quiet the world down).
But let me first define 'Christian' - and I think this is something many nonbelievers get confused with too, and I don't blame them because I was once like them. To me now, there are 'Churchians' and there are 'Christians'. Christians are the more radical and personal ones - the ones who put a personal, intimate relationship with God as the number one priority in their lives - whereas 'Churchians' simply try their best to simply follow the rules of the Bible; which you know, is nice, too, but that's not what God fully intended for humans to do.
I personally think it's very obvious when some guy simply goes to church or when a guy is a true Christ-follower. It's very reflective through their lifestyle. Or you know, they'll just cuss a lot and that pretty much tells you everything, ha.
One thing I have to admit that I don't like much about Christianity is the need to separate males and females to the extent that it does. I guess part of my tomboy-ness is still there - I'm not really feminine, and I like making friends with guys when I can because there are some personality traits guys have that girls don't. And I don't mean to brag, but sometimes being a good-looking, slightly tomboy, single Christian isn't a good idea. There have been a few times when I really just wanted to have genuine friendships with guys but later I discovered that they were simply only interested in me as a potential dating partner so I just ended up backing out. Or just simply because of my looks. It's not something I like thinking about - but as I grow older, I know it will only get worse.
Yet the ironic thing is, as much as a I push for having some part of me be tomboy and push for gender equality - I still believe that in relationships, guys should have more of a lead, as said in the video. Christianity didn't teach me this, I grew up with this knowledge and even as I learn much about the world and its misfortunes, I still think guys should have more of a lead in a relationship - and that does not mean to take advantage or to abuse the ladies as many men have mistakenly interpreted as so.
I think I'm lucky in that I've never really had that feeling to 'save a guy' through means of a dating relationship - because I know sometimes the guy will only go to church to please the girl and just disregard things said during church. Granted, I've considered 'unequally yoked' relationships myself and just considered never caring about bringing a significant other to Christ - which is pretty dumb to do now that I think about it. I also have had and do have guy friends that aren't Christian and I may occasionally bring up Christianity when talking to them, but honestly, they're just friends in my eyes. However, I'll have to agree with Pastor Daniel with this point in that there is a drawing line for how much I can say.
Temptations - I don't really get temptations? If you know me well, you know I have a very strong willpower - soul and mind over body and heart. The closest thing I think to a temptation I have towards guys is just really wanting to talk to a cute one? And I've done that quite a lot, to be honest. For example, if I see a good-looking Christian (REAL Christian, not 'Churchian') guy now, I'll become immediately infatuated with him. Which is not good because there are many, many good-looking, genuine Christ lovers. So all I do is stalk him and refrain from talking to him haha... This might be a problem if I go to Biola... But I don't know, it's kind of like seeing cute puppies. I'll want to see the puppies a lot but I don't exactly interact with them much. That's an interesting analogy. Guys as puppies.
But here's the secret, though, there are times I do get 'turned on', as people would say it - physically, not mentally. It's a lot easier to get mentally turned on, haha. But hey, I am a human being and I am a young lady. However, I am also a Christian and I very seldom act on my temptations. I'd rather not share what it is but I'm very sure that many girls are physically attracted to this same physical trait of guys that I am attracted to (it's visible and above clothing, nothing too perverted. Seriously). The main reason I don't want to share it is because it's something that guys think they need to have to attract girls and it makes up a large part of their self-esteem when it shouldn't - but I honestly wouldn't have a care in the world if my future husband didn't have this trait.
I don't want to end on that note, so I'll end on this : A Christian boyfriend would be nice, but I only want one as much as I want to buy my own medium format camera. Life's good without an MF camera, but it'd be really, really awesome if I could have one. For the time being, I'll just be complaining about how I don't have a medium format camera yet, but I can begin preparing to have my own. Same thing goes with having a Christian boyfriend.
And on top of that, I think part of me doesn't really care anyways because I don't even bother to pray for a future spouse aha.. how do you pray for one anyways? Perhaps I should look that up or ask around.
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