I don't remember all the things that I've been thinking about - I wish I could start carrying around a notebook or something.
Let's start off by saying that I am very much looking forward to next quarter - I'll only be taking two core classes, and two major core classes, not the regular english, science, math, history - type classes, so I will be fairly relaxed. Accounting 1C I have heard is much less of a nightmare than the current accounting class I am enrolled in, and Economics 2 doesn't really get horrible until near the end of the quarter. The other two classes I will be taking are French 2 and Geology 2. Since I won't be spending as much time doing longer, literary readings or studying for a mathematics class, I'll have time to do things that I actually enjoy doing - improving my relationship with God, being with friends, playing music, doing photography, and hopefully reading! Gosh it's just ridiculous how much I miss reading. I miss that the idea of submerging yourself into a new world without actually being in it - you're like the fly on everyone's shoulders.
Which actually reminds me of the movie that I finally got around to watching for my EWRT1B Honors class - Six degrees of Separation. It's basically about how this confidence man gets around to rich people's houses and takes something small from them (like a small amount of money or something) but impacts the Kittredges the most. Anyways, there was this one part where this young character, Elizabeth, talks about being able to see a new world. Elizabeth really liked the idea of this confidence man letting them see a new world - which is why she trusted Paul (the confidence man) for a while. At this point of watching the movie, I just thought of reading - since reading basically takes you into another world.
Personally, I read for plot. Classes like EWRT1A and 1B and such focus more on the style of writing and the analyses - so reading materials like this is actually pretty hard for me, since I'm mostly into the plots of what Jane Austen or Charlotte Bronte has to write. But anyways, I really, really hope to finish my Jane Austen book by the end of Spring Quarter - I will most likely re-read Persuasion, Pride and Prejudice, and Sense and Sensibility (but I didn't really read that one, I just saw the movie multiple times). And then for summer I can start reading some other classics!
However, while thinking about my reading plans - to read the classics for plot, I thought - why don't I read something different? Why don't I read stories about lives and about people, instead? For a while I had been wanting to subscribe to a luxury living magazine - San Francisco - but what if I subscribed to a magazine that focused on more important issues - like Time (at least Time in countries other than the U.S....)?
I admit it's kind of narrow-minded of me to only think of things like "I'm only going to read 19th century British classics" because while I am "getting cultured" a bit more, whose benefit is it really for? Because after taking this EWRT1B Honors class, I kind of want to read to grow more as a person - as well as reading novels for plot. Reading can allow you to get into the minds and the lives of people that you would possibly never encounter in their lives - yet be fully aware and understanding of those people that you read about. Which is, I think, in a sense much better than being described as "cultured". I guess I'm also kind of scared of voluntarily reading non-classic literature because classic literature is what actually got me into reading again - and perhaps reading contemporary stories could bore me again because honestly, I find these texts that we have to read in EWRT1B Honors pretty bland and dull. Yes, I admit they're rich with deeper meanings and have lots of places for analyses, but again - I'm not used to reading this kind of stuff. It's not that I'm uncomfortable about reading about gruesome or vulgar images, sex, and drugs - it's just that I don't really care about those things and I want to get to the skeleton of a story. I don't really care about the psychological processes of the characters - so I guess that applies to real life, too (or perhaps it's the other way around).
But then again, I might possibly have to tutor! Hopefully I get a tutoring position next quarter.
Today I also went to the Cupertino Library with a friend for the first time in a long time in a while to study - the last time I went there to study was during my senior year - which was actually not over a year ago. It just feels totally weird, especially being in the teen room - to see all these high school students just hanging out or studying at the library. It kind of makes me really sad that I look like these kids, too, but what can I do about it? And then my friend and I talked a bit about high school, and he definitely "lived" a lot more in high school than I did. Actually, a nice handful of my friends did. It was probably just my little friend circle that was fooling around most of the time - giving into peer pressure, taking tests just for the hell of it, and not doing what we actually enjoyed doing. I took classes that I hated, I didn't allow myself to grow as a person .... honestly right now I don't even understand what the hell I was doing. Freshman year I was just being a weird fobby person. Sophomore year I wasted my year away by playing this online game and by taking an honors class of a subject I wasn't really fond of. Junior year was just incredibly stupid - I just took APUSH because I felt stupid that all my friends were taking it and I wasn't. My sophomore year history teacher actually did know better of my analyzing capabilities than I did- and it definitely showed through my barely B of an APUSH grade. Senior year was just very, very strange.
Basically, what I'm trying to get at here, is that I hope next quarter I can have some time to myself for some self-examination. I feel like I never really got to grow as a person... yet I kind of do because I've very intent on what I want to do with my life and what kind of people I want to surround myself with. Now that I've experienced a bit with De Anza and am aware that taking more than two classes at once can be a nightmare, I'm just going to stick with two core and two 'electives'.
It's funny, though, whenever I write headings for various assignments at De Anza. After writing my name, I'll write a "P" under it - like how I used to write "P1" or "P6" for Period 1 or Period 6 and then I remember that college doesn't really have periods.
And while contemplating about my next EWRT1B Honors paper - I noticed something about one of the things I loathe most in the world - racism. I noticed in most cases, it's not really racism - it's more... "anti-culture". Or perhaps, anti-class. For example, if you walk into a doctor's office for an appointment and you talk with eloquence, are dressed very nicely, have good posture, etc... the person at the front desk is going to be more willing to serve you. Whereas if you're dressed like you just woke up with a bedhead and talk in this hill-billy accent, the person at the front desk is going to be more reluctant to serve you - and race doesn't really matter - attitude and presentation does. Language and manners matters as well. And now that I think about it, I might touch something about the Trent Conway in Six Degrees of Separation being the "Henry Higgins of our time". That's kind of why I want to read lots - to be able to come up with things like the "Henry Higgins of our time". I really miss reading haha.
Also, today in class our professor handed back our essays. I'm not trying to brag here or anything, but in my group of friends, I always seem to get the highest score among them. It's not very impressive since it's just like two points away from another friend of mine - but all my classmates around me seem to be just so in awe. A simple "good job" would do but I think a few of them go a little bit too far. I'm mentioning this because I honestly don't see anything impressive about it - as long as anyone gets a 90+, it's already a fantastic essay. So a 96 vs. a 91 doesn't really differ much in my eyes. I don't really understand why I get such high scores on them, either. If these were to be college essays, I honestly wouldn't be accepted into anywhere. And it's not any fault of my teacher's because she is like an expert on analyses and she seems to like my essays so I must be doing something right, haha. I guess just regarding this last essay, I could really relate to it. It's so weird, too, because I "proofread" the theses of my peers and their's sound SO much better than mine, yet my grade is higher than their's by a little bit.
And I think I'll briefly talk about my last paper here. The overall topic of my essay was light and dark - and how darkness does not exist, but is just there in the absence of light (taken from an urban story). Of course, there are metaphorical symbols of these substances - but the physical difference is probably what helped me a lot in writing this essay. Personally, I don't like light. I shower in the dark, I brush my teeth in the dark - or just extremely dim light. I mostly wash my face or brush my teeth in dim light because I don't like seeing myself. I honestly don't think I'm that at all pleasing to look at but many people seem to think otherwise so I guess I can go with that. ESPECIALLY when I wash my face - all the redness and uneven skin tone comes out and it just sends shivers down my spine to see all this gross stuff on my face. However, I mostly just shower in dim light because I shower close to my sleeping time, and I don't want to be exposed to too much light before I sleep, because that just makes it difficult to sleep.
Sometimes I think being in physical light is very unsettling and discomforting - people can SEE me. However, I will point out that it's just in man-made light I feel like this. I am absolutely obsessed about SUN light so I leave the windows open for as long as I can (and as open as I can so as not to give away how I live at home).
I kind of want to order Time Magazine to be more aware of current events around the world, yet a magazine like SanFran will also allow me to be aware of current events (locally, though) and places to go and see around the area I live, which is nice since I think the area I live in is fairly boring.
Wow so I have been typing for about an hour now, haha. Goodnight.
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