I can feel

a spiritual tug-of-war within me this very moment.

I know my soul is longing to go to God, yet satan is doing something to pull me back. Right now, music is keeping me spiritually stationary.

I know I shouldn't only rely on music to maintain my relationship with God, but right now I'm not really sure what to do. What if I were to go deaf? I know God wouldn't let me handle what I could never do... but I am scared. The more I listen to music, the more I damage my hearing - yet I am dead serious, if it weren't for music, I wouldn't have even gone this far, to be writing a blog post like this.

I'm done with UC apps, so satan you have lost on this one - because now I have more time to run back to my true Father.
I just need to get this math quiz out of the way... haha.. kind of stupid, but yeah, that's what I really feel right now.

I feel like my materialism is slowly fading away - so yay! ... and I know this because I'm beginning to feel REALLY stupid haha. I'm more thankful for the things I have right now, except I really need shoes right now or I'm going to be cold for the winter -____-"... No new clothes for now, and if I can get a job - I am going to, and I'm going to start looking this weekend. I mean, I still kind of care about looks, but I've refrained from carrying around my pocket mirror around all day - there's nothing I can do about my face at school anyway. Hormones are hormones and that's what the flesh is here for x____x.

I guess I'm also really thankful that my parents have begun negotiating calmly and peacefully - no yelling lately. I just pray my father will come to his senses. Is it bad not to love your biological father? :/ Because I really don't, and if you want to argue with me - I would be glad to share my side of the story.

And I'm really thankful for Sarah's dad - I really don't have the money to have other counselors as good as him look at my essays and stuff - and though tired he is, he still looks at them and gives me lots of advie and I'm just soooo grateful for that so yeee. Need to find a gift for Sarah and her father 8D

And is wanderlust a sin?? haha. I'm only hesitant to use it cause of the word 'lust' in it xp... but heyyy it's WANDERlust xp... a lust for the Earth HAHA <3 (lust for まもちゃん LOLOL jk)

I can't wait
to get out of this body
and see Heaven
with my other fellow siblings in Christ
and see my great Daddy 8D
and WORSHIP <3
and hear the most amazing music I will ever hear
and ahhhhhhhhhh can't wait for Heaven! ^___^

Hopefully Melanie, Sarah and I can see Furious Love reeeal sooon. I would want Grace and Aishika to see it too, but yeah I kind of admit, for us who have a God to rely on, this movie is still scary. I mean, Grace and Aishika do to but I guess they don't see it yet @_@