I have been so

SELFISH.

I kept saying how I needed a blog regarding around my life and how I do things, regarding around worldly things, when really I need to be focusing on GOD! Though I did kind of gloss over things about Him, I was still basing my life on my own standards - not HIS.

- -"... Yes,
one simple movie has gotten me to think this way. Partly.

For the longest time, I kept saying how I needed a way to remember God throughout the day - because I always forget about Him. And I thought I needed something to remind myself of Him. Some other people may look down on me for doing something like this - yes, I still need something to remind me of Him. I can't pure-mindedly just remember Him, because I admit, I guess that's how immature I am of Christ at the moment. But I can promise you all - I am growing. Well basically, it's nothing big, I've just been drawing a cross on my wrists. It looks like I'm emo or something x_______x... But It really does brighten up my day - and to remember that I am living His life - so I need to follow his standards.

Yes, this movie has influenced my current mind a lot, probably about 60% of my mind.

The other 40% was what happened yesterday, which basically what I saw was that GOD IS ALWAYS THERE. He is ALL around us - whether we want to invite him and allow ourselves to see Him is up to us. We are a stubborn people - which is why we think we don't see Him. We don't WANT to see Him. When we don't see Him, we don't want to know Him, thus we follow our own lives and set things about on our own standards in the world HE made - therefore ruining our own lives. "God's standards are so high, that he counts hatred as murder, and lust as adultery". And God has the full right to do so. But if you allow God to see Him, if you believe in the ultimate power of prayer - your life REALLY will change.

And to put it all together -
I NEED GOD. I need to constantly remind myself that He is always there, and that prayer is the most powerful thing there is. Though I recognize His grace and His love, I cannot keep taking advantage of it.

"You can't listen to what you're feeling at the moment."
This got me thinking about a lot of people - especially myself. Mostly because the last half of this year - I have been feeling hurt, regretful, depressed, and empty. So I decided to block myself out of the world.. "for a while". I thought it would go on forever - and I was going on pretty okay. I prayed to God - for some answer. I actually did recieve a dream that night. It was that everything was back to normal, and there were these boxes floating around in the air, with music notes on them. God created people for us to BE WITH people - or else Adam would just be there and then his life would be pretty pointless, too. We need people to grow old, to laugh and to cry with. What I thought and was wrong, and so was this decision. Trying to 'retain status quo' may be difficult, but much easier than trying to break myself away from the world when I have already become so entrenched in it. I CAN'T fix things by myself. I NEED God for anything. And when I need God - I NEED PEOPLE. Thus, I cannot close myself from the world if I want to get to know Christ better. The thing is - God may be using people as tools to help me, and I could be rejecting those people and above all, rejecting God. I may even be a tool for God, and not allowing myself to help other people, which is also a rejection of God.

Yes, people change. I keep changing - but this doesn't mean that I have to keep jumping around different kinds of people. No two people are the same, it's not possible that I am going to think the same minds and have the same interests as any one person in this world - that would actually be quite frightening. We all kind of balance each other out - we need our goods to make up for the bads in another's life - we NEED other people. But not too many because then you're not getting the real point, here D; (*O* why Jesus only had 12 disciples)

And I need to be more prideful in what God has made of me. It doesn't matter if I'm weird - as long as in my weirdness I am glorifying God. I shouldn't try to change myself to benefit myself or to fit in or whatever - but to do whatever I am for glorifying Him and I am EXCITED to do so and it's SO AWESOME because I CAN DO IT whenver I want haha [duh xPP]

:[ And I need to remind myself that I guess, if I just feel like learning more about my Father and about Him - I need to remember that He has written the longest letter for us - the Bible! And read it, as one way to allow myself to remember His heart and his presence.

HEH and this movie has also got me thinking like D: omg. All the guys suck now - -"... Haha, that's not true I guess. I know lots of couples that have converted in the midst of their relationship - and people can change spiritually. So I guess I shouldn't just say that I don't want to get married or something XP But our Pastor was like, if you can't find the right person - just be to yourself. The other half is meant to help both people grow spiritually. If that can't happen, then it's just better to stay single (which I think I will be ^^). But I guess this is why Christians want to find other Christians, because the foundation has already been laid underneath both of them. They're just lazy to find people who have not found Christ.. kind of. But it really depends on what God plans for you. If you're a Christian and fall crazy in love with another Christian - GREAT! If you're Christian and find a non-Christian, then I guess God has set you the most honorable task of bringing this person to Him. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. And it was made by God to last forever, for better or for worse, not ONLY the "better" part.

And it excites me that I have gotten one of my closest friends to join my church's VBS! I had this other athiest friend who talked about her VBS experience with me, and she felt real changed after it. It just shook, amazed, and touched her - that people were working so enthusiastically about God, and that the children were so interested in Him and she it was so surprising to her - how people can be the way they are, all for God. Alice, I hope you will experience the same after-feeling. But hopefully I or something else will still linger there - so this feeling will never die away from you (as it did with my other friend, because nothing else kind of held on for her. Hopefully, the feeling will come back for her in the near future. But I have been fighting and will continue to, that the relationship between you and God will grow stronger!! RAWR)

All of this also got me all revved up for the MISSION TRIP! I am EVEN MORE EXCITED THAN EVER BEFORE~~~ This is going to be the most epic experience EVARR.

These two days have ultimately been very life-changing. I guess you can say I'm in this sort of spiritual high at the moment. I just PRAY this feeling would NEVER EVER EVER go away. PLEEASE. *O* God makes me so happy. I really really really don't want this happiness in God to go away. Though I may become sad and depressed or whatever, I need to remember this happiness and turn to Him IMMEDIATELY.

QUOTES ^^;

This is probably my most favourite quote in the ENTIRE movie:
Jacob Holt:I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, Dad. I'm not doing it anymore! How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over who constantly rejects me?
John Holt: [touches, then leans against cross] That's a good question.

...

John Holt: Son, you just asked me: how can someone show love over and over again when they're constantly rejected? Caleb, the answer is: you can't love her, because you can't give her what you don't have. I couldn't truly love your mother until I understood what love truly was. It's not because I get some reward out of it. I've now made a decision to love your mother whether she deserves it or not. Son, God loves you, even though you don't deserve it. Even though you've rejected Him. Spat in His face.



Caleb Holt: If there's a God out there somewhere, he's not interested in me and my problems.
John Holt: I disagree. I'd say he's very interested.
Caleb Holt: Then where's he been in my life?
John Holt: I'd say he's been at work all around you. You just haven't realized it. You haven't exactly given him an open invitation.


Caleb Holt: I know what you're doing. And I have no intention of stepping aside as you try to steal my wife's heart. I've made some mistakes, but I still love her. So just know that I am going after her too. And since I'm married to her, I'd say I've got a head start. By the way,
[closes his hand to form a fist]

Anna Stone: ...if this doctor is trying to woo you while you're still married, what makes you think he won't do that with someone else?

Catherine Holt: So, what day are you on?
Caleb Holt: 43.
Catherine Holt: There's only 40.
Caleb Holt: Who says I have to stop?
Catherine Holt: Caleb, I don't know how to process this. This is not normal for you.
Caleb Holt: Welcome to the new normal.

Caleb Holt: Marriage isn't fireproof.
Michael Simmons: Fireproof doesn't mean the fire will never come. It means when the fire comes that you will be able to withstand it.



HEEHEE. satan is SCARED.