because I'm still not fully trusting God, and as a result you are getting 'worse'? I don't want to blame myself for this - but as indirect the effect, I probably had the most direct influence. I pray for God to care over you and I know God is in control.. I know, I know, I know but I just feel like you stray so far from any will God has for you..
.. and then that dangerous savior mentality for myself keeps coming into play again... because no one knew you as much as I did and probably no one else knows about this.
Though honestly, I wouldn't fess up about how I discovered this, either... I know you like trying new things, but this is going a bit far.
Additionally, though knowing about this makes me feel a lot better about myself, it makes me feel terrible again because I just know deep down in my heart that in the end, God is not wanting you to follow such a path and omygoodness why do I still decide to entangle myself with you even when we're so far apart now?
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