Dancing

(photo taken from https://www.flickr.com/photos/caesarpower/3528859802)

I think I found another new hobby!  Maybe?  All I know is that I really, really, really enjoyed dancing last night, even though I know I'm terrible at it.  Honestly, though, dancing is actually quite difficult.  You really need to be able to keep a beat while moving your body.  At the same time, if you want to do more advance dances, aside from being technical and merely moving your body, you really have to feel the music as well and remember some techniques for various other things.

Anyways, two main things that went through my mind last night included:

1. A reminder that the intermingling of God's will and our will is like a delicate dance.
2. I really need to relax more about everything.

A few weeks ago, I went to a retreat at Redwood Christian Camp and went to this workshop held by a pastor named Sam (who also is a really good DJ!  Listen to his stuff here).  The workshop was called "How to Discern God's will" and a really good metaphor he used was that God's will and our will kind of works like a dance.  There is always a leader - God - and in a good dance, you can't tell who the leader is, but there is always someone leading (definitely experienced this last night).  Occasionally, the follower may go slightly off course, but it's the leader's responsibility to bring the both of them back on track.  Both of them are just really feeling the motions of their partner and when done correctly, it's really quite a sight.  There was this one couple (I'm not sure if they're actually a couple, but for simplicity's sake, I'll call them one) who was dancing with each other for a while.  And Oh. My. Goodness.  It was so.... relaxing?  hypnotizing?  to be watching them.  The way they danced was just so beautiful and they flowed with each other so easily.  That time when God told Moses "flowing with milk and honey"?  This couple essentially danced that description out.  I honestly could have watched them forever.  They really knew how to feel the music and feel the specific push and pulls of their partner to create a free-flowing dance that looked so incredibly beautiful.

During the dance session last night, I was really tense.  I kept looking at the ground, or at my feet, and wasn't really feeling the music.  I kept worrying if my feet were doing the right steps and that I wasn't stepping on my partner.  This noticeably affected the way I was dancing, making me and my partner feel uncomfortable.  If I could be honest, though, it was actually quite uncomfortable dancing in such close proximity to all these men that I didn't know too well, so I didn't want to stand too close to them.  It was just rather awkward for me.  But now that I know that if I want to be in a fun dance, the point is to get physically closer to your partner to feel the music together.  A dance couple really is one body moving as one, and I now understand it's definitely easier if I'm more willing to stand closer to my partner.  I spent an hour with this rather experienced dancer, and he was just essentially lecturing me how to dance salsa, where to focus your energy, salsa techniques, where to concentrate power in your legs, etc... I was actually really grateful to receive such a lesson but I felt like he felt unappreciated, so I still feel slightly bad for that.

Anyways, being tense and worrying on the dance floor was a really good reminder that I'm pretty much very tense and worrisome in real life.  Especially if our will and God's will is intertwined like a delicate dance - worrying makes the dance look awkward and makes things difficult for both sides.  Looking ahead at your partner makes both parties dance a lot better, surprisingly, and is a good reminder to continue looking to God as my dance leader.  There are some other things to remember - like the fundamental steps to a dance, to feel the music, to remember your dance techniques - but ultimately, the leader will direct the dance so as a follower, I really shouldn't be worrying that much.  And I just need to relax more.  About everything.  And stop feeling sorry, stop feeling terrible, take in compliments better, and overall, feel better about myself and continue looking ahead to God.

Following that thought, I'm really trying my best lately to not be so serious when I don't have to be.  I really want to be a lighthearted person and I envy those that can come off like so so naturally.  I even had a dream last night of a really good friend of mine yelling at me for being so serious all the time (she wouldn't really do that but I'm sure she might think so.  If she were to tell me it would be in a very loving way, I'm sure).  Being serious all the time is tiring, if I could be honest, and I would like to not be constantly so stressed out and strict in social situations.  Someone once very close to me explained that I am a rather uptight person, and being resentful towards him, I obviously didn't take it in.  But just being able to step away from him, make all these new friends, and go dancing last night and all, I've really come to a realization that I'm uptight in a manner I don't want to be, and would love it if I could be more lighthearted and laid back (but not slothful and careless, if you get what I mean).

Last night was really fun - and this one guy gave me free admission to dance again so I will definitely be going again in two weeks.  I'll be bringing along a friend though because I'm still not comfortable with going by myself.  I really enjoyed dancing, though - it's essentially a form exercise which I desperately need and it's really fun.  I just wish I had more money to continuously attend these lessons.  Plus I'm constantly complimented on how I have the perfect body for a dance so I should probably put that to use, haha.