Praying for conviction?

I'm not going to lie, staying around you more than I should be definitely does raise questions about my own faith - to deny these questions would be immature, so I continue to question my faith and find answers.

I remember for a while in my life, I almost envied the spiritual maturity of some of my peers - I wanted to be as understanding and as knowledgeable about the faith as they were, not to show off or anything, but they just seemed so much more... wise.  I guess I envied their wisdom, but wisdom is given to us in God's time and not our own.

We could all pray that very first prayer for salvation, but is it God that ultimately determines who the Holy Spirit will convict and when?  For myself, after 13 years of dubbing myself a Christian then only recently beginning to understand fellowship and the Word, I have only had a spiritual light bulb go on about four months ago.  Is this my doing or God's?  God definitely gives us free will, free will to accept the Spirit, but will God have the Spirit resurrect in us when we want it to or when He deems it necessary?

It's all so confusing - or am I thinking too much?