SEX!

Ha, got your attention now, didn't I?  Just a heads up, this post will have some sexually explicit language and 'profanity' in it.

I know sex something I don't normally talk about, but after watching the Breakfast club (which wasn't sexual at all, they just talked about it... it's just about five stereotypical high schoolers pouring their hearts out to each other and for a short period of time they talk about virginity), I have this sort of urge to talk about it on here, heart-to-heart, me as a human and not as a 'Christian' as the world would like to label me as (that sounds like an oxymoron, but I'm sure you all understand what I mean).

I don't like talking about it a lot because honestly, the image of a vagina or penis literally disgusts me - and that's all most people in this society love emphasizing.  Remember that image of us cutting open a pig and and seeing all the guts and juices flow out of it?  Yeah, it's that same reaction.  That is the immediate reaction I get when I see any of those sexual organs.  'Oh but if you never try well you'll never know' well then there comes into play the topic of premarital sex.  Anyone who gets married has to essentially get used to sex, but if I don't have to when I don't need to then why try it until then?  Also, 'YOLO' or 'live a little' are dumbass excuses for sex.

I wouldn't consider myself a prude.  As I've matured as a photographer, I honestly do see how the human body is very beautiful in its very design, nudity doesn't make me uncomfortable as it used to (I still don't think guys are pretty under the waist, though...).  I'm not uncomfortable about talking about sex, I occasionally talk it about it with friends or my parents.  I don't talk about it often because probably most of the people I encounter decide to talk about it aren't very wise, mature, nor respectful about it.  I'm not going to lie, we all know it - humans naturally like sex because that's how we're genetically structured.  I don't dislike sex - I just don't like it how sex is so largely used to deal with lust and lust is just such an unfulfilling, empty, and shameful feeling.  If you know me well, even not as a Christian, you know that I love fulfilling things - I like meaningful conversations, I like doing meaningful activities that make me feel like this soul is worth being inside of this body.  Why on Earth would I waste my time having some guy stick some thing inside of me just because it 'feels good' but have it all come from such hollow emotions?

Then there comes that issue of 'well if you guys really love each other then it's okay because sex is the cornerstone of love'.  Yes, sex is intended to be the cornerstone of love and bring a man and a woman who love each other in the most utmost intimacy.  Well alright, say that you have premarital sex with someone and later you break up and you get married to this other person.  First off, a lot of the times, you and that mere girlfriend or boyfriend will find it extremely difficult to develop any kind of relationship again because you two have once had that almost inexplicable bonding once.  Temptation will be a hard thing to run away from if you and that ex are friends but are dating other people.  Even if an unmarried couple didn't have sex, I personally believe that a break-up is no reason to not stay friends.. unless someone was unfaithful - then, that's a different story.  Second, sometimes your spouse doesn't like to hear that you've essentially fucked someone else before them ( 'sometimes', because sometimes for some reason they don't mind either).  And imagine what you did with someone else's future spouse.  I wouldn't be comfortable with having such memories if I ever did such a thing.  Marriage is just that much more of an assurance that someone truly loves you for you and not your body.  Personally, if I got in a relationship and I found out that my significant other wasn't a virgin, that wouldn't be a reason  for me not to date him anymore but it definitely would be upsetting for a while, but people can move on with their lives..  If I ever got married, the possibility that basically my husband and I lost our virginitys to each other I think is a lot more precious and meaningful to have.

Also another reason not have sex before marriage -  STDs.  Bad.  Don't have sex before you get married because it will eventually kill you, seriously - or give you a physically painful life.  If you have a husband who is a virgin and a wife who is a virgin and they get married their bodies will remain that much healthier all throughout their lives and they never have to worry about biological impurities passing through their bloodstreams.  But if one spouse knowingly has an STD and the other doesn't, then I'm sorry I don't know how to answer that question because I don't know everything.  It just would have been better if that first spouse didn't have premarital sex in the first place, that's the only solution I can think of.

Probably a deeper, underlying reason why I don't like talking about sex is because I was exposed to it a bit prematurely.  My parents thought I didn't understand, and for some dumb-ass reason I kept playing stupid.  But if I could just be completely transparent here, a lot of their marital issues dealt with lust and I'm sorry but you're not supposed to bring your children into your sex problems especially if they're as young as I was.  Your children can be your friends, but remember that they are still very innocent and naive and parents talking about their sex life to their young children is a BIG no-no.  Perhaps it was just me - maybe some other younger kids would LOVE to hear about these things but honestly, for some reason to me it was slightly traumatizing and I haven't exactly snapped out of it yet.

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Now here is the 'Christian' side of me to talk about sex -  It's kind of foolish to split it myself between the Christian and natural parts of me because they're essentially very vital parts of who I am, so I can't really separate them and at many times, they do overlap.  If you don't want to see the 'religious' side of it all, you can stop reading here.

Talking about soul and body, I just need to remind you all that there is a very clear difference between the two.  If the soul exists, angels and demons exist.  When angels and demons exists, there is a devil but there is also a God.

I've also just been feeling the Holy Spirit stir inside of me so much lately - all of this can't possibly be the doings of a mere human mind or accidents (you can define 'this' for yourselves).  God endured physical pain and eternity's most gruesome death for me, so the most I could do is listen to and appreciate Him and promise to keep my body only for a future spouse - which is why I wear this ring all the time now.  I actually mostly wear this ring to remind myself who I belong to - God - but it's also a reminder of abstinence.  And, as the Word says, each body is a temple of Christ.  Each temple should reflect a godly life and should be kept pure, and premarital sex definitely doesn't cut it.  

I'm just thankful for God for giving me a very self-controlling soul.  I'm not going to say I haven't felt lust, for every human being has had a curious stage and that includes me as well and I do have things that turn me on but I never let that temptation grow.  However, I will say that the curious stage ended an extremely long time ago, and even if I was forced to watch pornography or something, it'd kind of be like watching a news report, like as if it was just there.  The pornography industry is mostly there because of lust anyways which I think is completely ludicrous so obviously, I don't even think of looking at any.  It's just completely disrespecting for both genders, I personally think, to see bodies as something to merely get some pleasure out of.  Our souls weren't put into these bodies to see other souls trapped in other bodies pleasure each other.  That's just completely nonsensical to me.

Sex is in actuality a very respectable, honourable institution as long as it is used correctly - inside of marriage.  When taken out of context, sex is absolutely shameful to God, the loving father who I thought I never could have, and thus, to me.

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I think in another post I will discuss society's negative view of the term 'Christian' and what I actually consider myself to be (not society's 'Christian').  I will also talk about why, as a 'Christian', I use profanity at times (there isn't really a just reason, but I still want to talk about it) but right now I have been typing this up for two hours so I should probably get some shut-eye.