I was talking with Sarah the other night and I must say I really enjoy our night talks. We talk about some of the most deepest things and it's just nice discussing this stuff with another person.
Anyways, we talked about marriage and family. It kind of started with me talking about how screwed up my family is, and then we talked a bit about family in general. I think along the way while talking I began to learn more about myself on the spot.
Unlike most people, I don't think much about marriage and I don't really want to have a family myself one day. The number one reason why I think so is because I've seen how much of a failure the family I've been in has been, and as a result the concept of love is a very hard concept for me to grasp most of the time. My parents didn't marry because of love, so one would think oh I could just solve this by marrying someone I love. Well yeah, there are equal consequences when someone marries someone they love. Many people argue it's a stupid thing to do. But in the end whatever one person does is their own choice, I guess.
I don't really know what my sister really feels about all of this, but I know for a fact that all people are born affectionate. As very tiny children, my sister and I showed lots of affection to our parents, but that love was never reciprocated mostly because of cultural reasons.
I always wish things could have been different. I look and hear about so many families and always think of things like what is it like to be in a family where your parents are actually in love and display love to their children in more obvious ways? This breaks my heart at times. But God does have a reason for placing me in this family.
And the future - always unknown. I don't know if I'll really keep in touch with my sister in the future. We're still students and we barely contact each other. And deep down, I know we both don't really care anyways. I've had one of the oddest relationships with my sister. And my father - I'm more certain that I probably won't keep in touch with him, mostly because I keep in touch with him as much as I keep in touch with my sister. My whole life I've never understood him, and though it's not really obvious, he's given me so many traumatic experiences that I think have affected me today. Of course, the past is the past, and we can still get along well if we ever do come face to face. One can forgive, but forgetting is another matter.
In conclusion, I don't understand the concept of 'family' or 'marriage' as someone like me should. You might as well try to teach me quantum physics. Or maybe I'm focusing on things I'm not supposed to be focusing on - perhaps the central idea here is 'love'? I sort of understand love. There are things I love doing, and I know there are people that I love but to ever say 'I love them' or 'I love you' is just such an incredibly awkward thing to say like honestly to me, actions speak louder than words. Words can make me uncomfortable in cases like this.
Then I have those friends and peers who say oh Tiffany your mind is going to change dramatically once you get a boyfriend but they don't even begin to know what I think about guys aha..
Anyways, we talked about marriage and family. It kind of started with me talking about how screwed up my family is, and then we talked a bit about family in general. I think along the way while talking I began to learn more about myself on the spot.
Unlike most people, I don't think much about marriage and I don't really want to have a family myself one day. The number one reason why I think so is because I've seen how much of a failure the family I've been in has been, and as a result the concept of love is a very hard concept for me to grasp most of the time. My parents didn't marry because of love, so one would think oh I could just solve this by marrying someone I love. Well yeah, there are equal consequences when someone marries someone they love. Many people argue it's a stupid thing to do. But in the end whatever one person does is their own choice, I guess.
I don't really know what my sister really feels about all of this, but I know for a fact that all people are born affectionate. As very tiny children, my sister and I showed lots of affection to our parents, but that love was never reciprocated mostly because of cultural reasons.
I always wish things could have been different. I look and hear about so many families and always think of things like what is it like to be in a family where your parents are actually in love and display love to their children in more obvious ways? This breaks my heart at times. But God does have a reason for placing me in this family.
And the future - always unknown. I don't know if I'll really keep in touch with my sister in the future. We're still students and we barely contact each other. And deep down, I know we both don't really care anyways. I've had one of the oddest relationships with my sister. And my father - I'm more certain that I probably won't keep in touch with him, mostly because I keep in touch with him as much as I keep in touch with my sister. My whole life I've never understood him, and though it's not really obvious, he's given me so many traumatic experiences that I think have affected me today. Of course, the past is the past, and we can still get along well if we ever do come face to face. One can forgive, but forgetting is another matter.
In conclusion, I don't understand the concept of 'family' or 'marriage' as someone like me should. You might as well try to teach me quantum physics. Or maybe I'm focusing on things I'm not supposed to be focusing on - perhaps the central idea here is 'love'? I sort of understand love. There are things I love doing, and I know there are people that I love but to ever say 'I love them' or 'I love you' is just such an incredibly awkward thing to say like honestly to me, actions speak louder than words. Words can make me uncomfortable in cases like this.
Then I have those friends and peers who say oh Tiffany your mind is going to change dramatically once you get a boyfriend but they don't even begin to know what I think about guys aha..
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