Today has been so, so depressing...
And for fun, I decided to look up symptoms of depression. I have a lot, haha. But no, I don't have the significant ones like feeling worthless or having thoughts of suicide. Life has just a lack of interest to me right now, I constantly feel like sleeping, insomnia, no appetite lately so I have to basically force feed myself and that never ends up looking pretty. Or, I'll not eat for a long time and then suddenly become extremely hungry and eat a whole bunch at once and hurt my stomach. And loneliness is creeping in a lot more often in my life nowadays. It also really bothers me that I can't get that guy that I've only met like twice out of my head. That is really bothering me.
It's just really strange seeing a handful of people you admire suddenly crumble and grow weak ... people you look up to. Because then, what are you supposed to do?
I must admit I'm also a bit confused about the religion of Christianity. Just the religion part, though. I definitely cannot deny the existence of God - Jesus Christ, God, Holy Spirit sort of God. To deny Him would be to deny myself. But the way He expects us to act, and to think... As I begin to think more realistically and practically, it's really hard to apply whatever I learn in church to what happens in the real world. I can feel that basically my soul wants to run back to Him - but I just don't know how to get it there. For the time being, I'm at least reading my Devos everyday and attending church every Sunday. I still do need to find a youth group, and I totally forgot about the Bible study at Valley Church today... KLOVE is also helping a lot, too.
Today, I went out with my accounting group to get some Starbucks, too. One of the things we talked about was having a guy-oriented life. One of us, the oldest of us, has had a lot of guys in her life. While the other three of us don't really think about guys. I mean, yeah, we find guys cute and attractive or whatever, but it's not something that's constantly on our minds. Two of us don't think of guys often because we're constantly thinking about school (haha.. so sad), one reason I think I don't is because I was successfully raised by a single mother who never bothered to find a husband, and another one of us is because she grew up with brothers, so she's very tom-boy ish and isn't really concerned about guys.. yet.
I decided not to do my geography paper tonight because school is the worst thing to distract one's self about other problems in life. So I'm listening to Sungha Jung's lovely rendition of the Howl's Moving Castle theme: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2Z603ccaj74#! . He is unbelievable. I really don't understand how someone so young like him can play with so much heart and so much soul. I really hope to meet him in real life one day.
I also have been very reluctant to attend French class since I've discovered Livemocha. I've been talking with Native French speakers, and every time I do, I feel so ashamed. My French is understandable, but the grammar is so wrong and it's not how French people usually talk. Livemocha definitely isn't enough. I need to listen and just practice speaking more in general.
I want to travel. And I want a pet.
And for fun, I decided to look up symptoms of depression. I have a lot, haha. But no, I don't have the significant ones like feeling worthless or having thoughts of suicide. Life has just a lack of interest to me right now, I constantly feel like sleeping, insomnia, no appetite lately so I have to basically force feed myself and that never ends up looking pretty. Or, I'll not eat for a long time and then suddenly become extremely hungry and eat a whole bunch at once and hurt my stomach. And loneliness is creeping in a lot more often in my life nowadays. It also really bothers me that I can't get that guy that I've only met like twice out of my head. That is really bothering me.
It's just really strange seeing a handful of people you admire suddenly crumble and grow weak ... people you look up to. Because then, what are you supposed to do?
I must admit I'm also a bit confused about the religion of Christianity. Just the religion part, though. I definitely cannot deny the existence of God - Jesus Christ, God, Holy Spirit sort of God. To deny Him would be to deny myself. But the way He expects us to act, and to think... As I begin to think more realistically and practically, it's really hard to apply whatever I learn in church to what happens in the real world. I can feel that basically my soul wants to run back to Him - but I just don't know how to get it there. For the time being, I'm at least reading my Devos everyday and attending church every Sunday. I still do need to find a youth group, and I totally forgot about the Bible study at Valley Church today... KLOVE is also helping a lot, too.
Today, I went out with my accounting group to get some Starbucks, too. One of the things we talked about was having a guy-oriented life. One of us, the oldest of us, has had a lot of guys in her life. While the other three of us don't really think about guys. I mean, yeah, we find guys cute and attractive or whatever, but it's not something that's constantly on our minds. Two of us don't think of guys often because we're constantly thinking about school (haha.. so sad), one reason I think I don't is because I was successfully raised by a single mother who never bothered to find a husband, and another one of us is because she grew up with brothers, so she's very tom-boy ish and isn't really concerned about guys.. yet.
I decided not to do my geography paper tonight because school is the worst thing to distract one's self about other problems in life. So I'm listening to Sungha Jung's lovely rendition of the Howl's Moving Castle theme: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=2Z603ccaj74#! . He is unbelievable. I really don't understand how someone so young like him can play with so much heart and so much soul. I really hope to meet him in real life one day.
I also have been very reluctant to attend French class since I've discovered Livemocha. I've been talking with Native French speakers, and every time I do, I feel so ashamed. My French is understandable, but the grammar is so wrong and it's not how French people usually talk. Livemocha definitely isn't enough. I need to listen and just practice speaking more in general.
I want to travel. And I want a pet.
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