le seize avril

I think one reason why I really like this Avatar show more than I used to is because I can totally relate to one of the biggest themes of the show: self-discovery. I feel like part of it started happening the phase between elementary school and middle school - and then I just let middle school and high school dictate my way of thinking and my actions. Now that I finally realize I have no one to tell me what I should do and who I should be - I get to think however I want to think and do what I want to do (most of the time). Except one fear has still clung on - the fear of having people despise and hate me. There was something that Angelina Jolie said once that caught my eye - about going thru life and not trying to intentionally making people feel bad or anything. That way, there will be no guilt. So I think that's why sometimes I am so overly nice and so gentle and sometimes let people take advantage of me but still don't really care about it. I know lately I have been lashing out at people - and though it's not usually the person I am, it kind of feels real good just expressing what I think. And not even lashing at people - just simply having the courage to disagree is very refreshing. I'm not saying I look forward to picking arguments in the future - perhaps it's just time that I be honest to myself. Lately, I haven't apologized like the usual sorry girl I am. It's stupid how I always say sorry for things that I shouldn't be saying sorry for. There's a difference between being polite and apologizing - apologizing is NOT being polite.

So anyways, today I went on a one and a half hour bike ride. Watching this Avatar show has almost made me realize (again) how incredibly boring my life is. I escape through shows like this, through music, or through books. Good thing I'm getting away this weekend, though. But I biked towards the hills which was very tiresome because the gears on my bike don't entirely work, and I think walking uphill is a little bit worse than biking uphill. I think the most beautiful place of this city is towards the hills, especially in the Spring. I would always see these train tracks beneath this bridge I ride over, and have always wanted to just walk the track just for the heck of it. And maybe take some nice photographs, too.

It's either I have that sense of adventure but not the resources or anyone to share it with. Not sure if that makes sense but this is my blog so as long as I get it then whatever. It's funny, though. The more I find out about myself, the more I long for a companion. A human would be nice, but honestly it could just be a puppy, really. I don't think anyone I know would be willing to bike with me for an hour towards the hills just to get photographs of the scenery or walk with me for hours on a train track. Or actually my father would, haha, because he has nothing better to do.

But yeah I can't wait till this weekend! One fun evening/night with Kate, then basically two whole ish days with Jackie! It's awesome what my parents are letting me do now. Or actually they should have let me do stuff like this long ago and not worry so much.