le cinq février

There was a moment where I was actually, genuinely excited to go. Most of the time, I was thinking 'why' should I go? Well why not?? So I was content with that little philosophy of mine for a while, but honestly the decision to stay or to go kept going on and off. Though it would be during school, it was kind of a perfect timing since a few major tests were done with.. for the time being. As much as I did want to go, there were just so many red flags coming up. After finally going to church today after basically three weeks of not attending, I decided I had to push that "rebel mentality" (for me, anyways) aside. I was originally very intent on bringing all my schoolwork with me, but honestly, as much as I'd want to do it, I know I won't. As much as I wanted to finish my Jane Austen book during Taiwan, I didn't. I can't study during a ride because of my carsickness. I won't study while I'm there because I'll just want to have fun. I can't help but think that if I go, I'll be really troublesome. I'll complain about my stomach, my cold, my headaches, my schoolwork.

I even heard the song on the radio today! And got all happy and excited. But I just can't take myself to go.

Anyways, I don't want to basically just list excuses, even though I personally wouldn't call them excuses. I just really want to wish you all a fun trip and to make fun memories, really.