I notice that I have been observing cultural and social habits lately. So much so, that it has gotten me to despise my own culture and be wishing that I could have my birth circumstances changed. I hate how without choice, I'm Asian. Or rather, I hate how I am an Asian who has grown to love European culture in a world where essentially Europeans are the most highly esteemed in this world. Not that I am acknowledging a loss of any power on my side, in fact personally I know everyone in this world is equal, but speaking in realistic terms, which kind of people is really the most respected and favoured? It's very upsetting, but I had to have a friend remind me that there is a divine reason as to why God made me this way. I just have to discover it and figure it out someday. Soon, I hope.
This same friend of mine also seems to be struggling with an insecurity of hers. I really don't know what to say to make her feel better (I don't know if she'll see this since no one reads my blogger but I kind of hope she does). I myself have my own insecurities, and it honestly does hurt when it is bluntly pointed out. These insecurities are not imperfections, they're just part of life. It's nice to have people compliment me to attempt to make me feel better, but honestly, it's what I think about myself and how I choose to view this "socially unacceptable" characteristic of mine. Honestly these blunt remarks get to my head sometimes, and all I feel like doing is keeping myself locked up at home, where there is no judgement. But then I think to myself, that cheesy yet encouraging thought, "Is this how God would want me to think? Want me to act?". And then I also have to remember that "people that mind don't matter, and people that matter don't mind". Sadly, the basic truth cannot be denied of my insecurity, but I ultimately can choose how I wish to face it. Every time I hear a rude remark directed towards this insecurity of mine, I literally let it go in one ear and out the other. But sometimes I will need to restrain myself from doing anything I might regret doing, knowing one day I'll prove them all wrong and make them feel shameful and pitiless that such a thing was ever said to me.
Because all a girl wants is to feel beautiful, but when society gives us others to be compared to, we can feel helpless at times. I simply try to remember that these society-named imperfections are merely shallow delusions, and refuse to be absorbed into such nonsense.
This being said about myself, I don't exactly know how to express it to others with insecurities of their own. I keep praying to God to allow me to be better with words, which is possibly why I've recently taken up reading.
Speaking of reading, I recently borrowed three of Jane Austen's novels, another of Charlotte Bronte's novels, and Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heighs to read. I finally ordered my very own Jane Eyre book, and am comparing every book I now read to it. If I do this, however, I know I don't really get to experience any other novel in its best essence. Comparing and contrasting sometimes doesn't do much good.
London has also broke into riots. I hope peace will pervade throughout the city and other cities, too, as quickly as possible.
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