Why I am a Christian

So I am going to try to re-write my spiritual life story, otherwise known as a testimony. I feel like the one I wrote before my baptism was written just for the sake of having a testimony on hand, and I want to write one with thought in it, now that I feel I have matured as a Christian and as a human being.

Starting from the very beginning - in first grade I first heard the words "Do you believe in God?". I didn't know what that meant, nor who God was. The little details aren't entirely important, so all I will say is that soon I started attending church and watching the ever-loved Veggie Tales.

The idea of being in God's family was still an obscure one, even when I allowed myself to belong in it in third grade. Throughout elementary school, I eventually understood what "divorce" was. I'm actually not sure if the understanding of this family condition did anything to me, but I began to draw away from God, somewhat proving that all this time, I may not have been drawn to His glory, power, and free salvation in the first place.

My music tastes changed terribly (and I later found out that music affects my mood quite a lot), I began to curse a lot, I pushed myself into depression and to being emotional, felt suicidal, and even attempted to commit it (though I must say at this moment, I am very glad to be breathing!). So I don't entirley remember how it all stopped. I became shy, quiet, unsocial, and timid in the process, and one curious thing is that I seemed to be better again once I quitted my church's youth group...

So honestly speaking, I don't entirely remember what made me run to God. All I can describe is that music played a very big part in it. Music always feels so surreal and unworldy (Gospel genres, at least). I really like that sense of "fantasy", I guess you can call it. But knowing that I could allow this "fantasy" (I put it in quotes because in truth, it is the most realest reality) become perceptable to me just put me in complete awe. And I like this feeling, which is why I have stuck to it for so long. I admit I could possibly handle being deaf, but I'd rather lose all other parts of my body first before my hearing. Because, I believe, music is an ongoing, heavenly thing, and is (wonderfully) also a universal language. Gospel music was my escape from the world, from the home problems and the rest of any worldly troubles. Everyone is born with empty hearts, and since I didn't exactly grow up in a loving environment, Gospel music was the only thing that made me feel at pace. Yes, friends and lovers(not that I had any) are lovely to be and talk with, but seriously, there is only so much they can do. How each individual is not to be tempted by mundane ways is their and God's business alone. People can only be of assistance, since they don't have the power that God possesses.

If I were to set an actual time period when I truly became a follower of Christ, I would probably say after my junior year in high school. I have had my new and current camera for a while, and I noticed I loved to take pictures of nature. Nature is so beautiful yet horrendous, tranquil yet devestating, yet perfect because it is so free of sin and fault. So I thought to myself, how in the world can all this beauty happen by accident? How could all the aligning of the planets and stars just happen to fall in the right places? I remember what Pastor Yuji said one time, that if humans were really a mere accident, then why do I continue to write this and why don't I just end my life now? No - I believe people can't give in to the idea of being a mere accident being their reason of life.

Everyone knows the beauties and pains of being a human being; and as CS Lewis once said, we are souls roaming the vast globe, each of us given a body to respect and care for. I think it is indescribable that we can have such a wide range of emotions to feel. And especially what happened to me this year - the fact that I though I needed to prepare myself to my deathbed - I know life is unfair. I know bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. But what beauty is there in life without its pains, miseries, and its trials? And if life is so amazing in thsi light, how can I - this breathing, living, feeling, flesh - be the mere remains of some exploded star originating from light years away from space?

So it finally hit me that there just has to be a God - and more events in my senior year in high school continued to prove this.

Senior year, I decied to consistently attend my high school's Christian club. There was this one, essentially, fellowship night that blew my mind away. We watched Furious Love, which is a movie documenting God's love for us. This documentary ultimately proves God's existence, and to prove even more so, we basically did some prophesying. It showed me that not only did God exist, but also He truly loves and cares for each and every one of us. We were able to get deep into the hearts and lives of, essentially, strangers in the room. This task, of course, was not done by our own abilities, but with the almighty hand of God.

There are a few other things that confirmed my faith in Christ, but I have to say that after that moment in time, I probably had a momentary growth spurt as a Christian. And all of this is why I stand strong in my beliefs and why I shall never stray from God, as immature as a Christian as I may be to myself sometimes.

So to summarize it all, basically, unfortunate family circumstances, music, and personal witness of God's love is why I am a Christian. I'm not saying Christians are perfect in any way after experiencing what they have been, and that we don't have regrets (I actually have quite a lot). Being in the human flesh, I will have the tendency to, well, act as a human. But having God will ensure that I am not going through this world alone.