4:59 pm

A lot of times I wonder why I needed the notion of death to hit me in order for me to wake up to this world, and wake up about life, whereas other people have already grown accustomed to reality without having to experience death creeping around and in their thoughts day in and day out. Other young people like me can think about life exactly like I do, yet I doubt they have experienced my mishaps. Why is it so easy for them? Why did I have to let the fear of death significantly change me? I guess I really was that naive before, but I refuse to admit it.

I feel like I'm starting to become more taciturn and shy each day. I don't know what to talk about anymore, and most of the time all I want to do is stare off into space.

As insensitive as I think guys are, I can't say I'm any better. However, the guys' insensitivity can be described as innate, while mine took a lifetime of forced indifference to develop. I never wanted to be this way - and now I know who to blame for it. However, tell that to a child with continuous family problems throughout her lifetime, and all you'll do is leave her dumbfounded. It's useless anyway. Trying to break through a tree's root starting underground is one of the most improbable things to do with just one individual's bare hands.