:/

God is mysterious.

I don't understand why I'm still here. This area is for higher middle class and up, yet a family like mine is still barely surviving in this city, and I'm still longing for all these worldly things.

It hurts I guess. To have all my friends go out and eat and have the nicest clothes, while I just sit at the sidelines in jealousy and 'hunger'. It's great that sometimes my friends want to pay for some of my things, but I just feel like I don't need their sympathy.

And if I want to find a job soon, I'll have to sacrifice some of my social life which has been slowly improving - -"... and then to give it all away? I don't know. But then what else will I use the money for? I'll just keep spending it on clothes and food and whatever. I want to be as smart as 狗拉屎 and set my priorities straight~ but mm I don't knoww for most of my friends, money isn't an issue for them.

I had to borrow a friend's dress for homecoming. And I just keep borrowing and borrowing things. I was told that I could have lived a normal life here.... until someone decided to become selfish. But I can't really blame him either.

I can't give my friends the best Christmas or birthday gifts - because I really don't have the money too. And it breaks my heart to know that they have the resources to give me great things, while I'm basically helpless.

God has His reasons for everything I guess. And I guess I'm a bit more humbled by this? But by saying that, it doesn't really humble me...


I hate money.