I realized how 'intimdated' I am by the world's current social lifestyle. I won't give examples because there are too many to list. So I began to think, how come I've become so quiet and insecure? [haha.. and as I result a deactivated my facebook for like the 100th time - - ... yeep smart]
I used to be quite animated and weird and careless about what other people thought of me.
可是現在呢？ 怎麼變成這樣？
我到底怕什麼？
Looking at facebook - all the conversations and wall to walls on my feed -
Well honestly, I think some of it is stupid and.. strange. And because I think it's stupid, I end up as a sort of outcast, and then I get labeled "the quiet girl", which isn't necessarily true.
我也要想大家都不樣 - so why should I try so hard to fit in?
But then I ended up as a recluse so I turn to things where I only need myself like photography and music or something.
I'm trying real hard to find out what's happened. Most of my 'quietness' started in 7th grade... in that FAME class... haha so ironic but I still don't understand what happened :/
Well it's kind of too late to change my personality now - -"... unless I fake it which is foolish.
Or maybe I've become so incredibly conservative - I don't like the fact that at this year's church retreat (which I didn't go to but I will next year D: ) there was more free time than worship/fellowship time. Well technically, whatever we do is fellowship, and freetime is necessary at a retreat. But I feel like people could really care less about me. If I went I would probably just wander off into those woods and get lost and no one would even notice.
And the way people glare at me is really uncomfortable. I really wish to know why people do that.
Is this how God wants me to be? Well, partly I know - no. He made other people for us to be around other people. And I do happen to be around people - just not as much as every other person in this world does. 那我要怎麼做呢？ 其實 現在只能繼續禱告，繼續讀著他給我們的聖經。But to solve my problem of people-less-ness, I also need to be around people more - -"
And there's something I'd really like to explain up here... why people think I'm "shy" and "unfriendly". But then people may take it the wrong way and then ugh x____x.... see sometimes I don't really like people either haha.
Welll let's just say it one way - just because I'm being nice doesn't mean I'm flirting - -". Flirtatious people disgust me.
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By the way, is soymilk a diuretic?
ALICE - I tried the caramel mocchiato today! It tastes like any other latte I've tasted before - -" :[ I miss the holiday flavors. AND I had the second dream where 帽子 talked heehee x___x Our school was like four stories high or something and eeeeh this is gonna sound awkward but he had like 鬍子 but it looked really 帥 haha okay ew uh... Well since our school had so many stories, we had elevators that ALL the students could use - so as I was about to walk into an elevator (the elevator doors were red *O*), he bumped into me and I was like uhh okay whatever. And then 他就繼續走 and then he suddenly turned back and was like "Oh,,, '隨 不起' " and I was like o___o... "隨不起"?? And he's like yea sorry so I was like 'ohhh x___x'... orz haha
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