I made a mistake.
I made the mistake of listening to myself.
I was proud and overestimating my abilities.
APUSH is one of the few.
So many people discouraged me of taking it, yet my grudge towards my former history teachers kept me from their words.
I made a mistake that apparently, I do not remember.
However, the present is impacted by the past
and I can still see those impacts now.
I made the mistake of refusing to read His words for a while,
horribly influencing how I have run my life lately.
I made the mistake of pretending to know the reasons why people do the small actions they do,
forcing me into fear.
I made the mistake of being fast to get angry, which is what the cause of my occasional heartbreaks now.
Wrath.
Pride.
I have committed two of the deadliest sins which have led to my life now;
My struggles, my burdens, my worries.
When all I could have done
was
pray.
To not be shy and to pray my heart out to Him
to let my heart scream and let it be heard;
that's all I needed to do.
Yet I continued to have my worldly attitude.
I felt useless, worthless,
spat on, ignored,
ugly in my heart, disgusting...
yet
I did not cry
because I know He is a good God
because I know no one is born perfect
and that He forgives all our impurity.
不管我做了什麼壞事，只要我求祂，祂都會原諒我的。
不過那不代表我就可以隨隨便便持續的做壞事然後求原諒。
As long as I follow His word, ask for forgiveness, ask for help, 祂都在我身邊。
Because of my back turning against Him,
I have compiled all these obstacles and burdens in my life.
Though I know He is already carrying me along the way,
I will promise to continue to pray for strength, spiritually and mentally.
